Can you still see the heart of me?

Hey! I know it's been a long long time. But I still don't really know what all to write.

So, I'll write about Neil. The past week he's been acting really strange. On Tuesday we did go out and it was really nice to hang out with him and see him. Then Wednesday we didn't talk a lot. Thursday we didn't talk at all and Friday we didn't talk at all either.

Then last night he texts me at approximately 10:45 or probably even later. The conversation starts out the same typical NEIL: "Hey there :]" ME: "Hi." NEIL: "How was your day?" ME: "Good. Got to see and go to lunch with my best friend, Kevin. It was super nice to see him. You?" NEIL: "Mine was good. Went to racquetball then mowed the lawn then work. It was busy and fun." ME: "Cool." NEIL: "Are you okay? You don't seem yourself." (Which is true. Typically I say I lot more and am more conversational. But last night I was aggravated.) ME: "Yeah. I'm just tired. And with a stuffy nose and junk." NEIL: ":( I'm sorry. How can I help?" ME: "You can't." NEIL: ":( I'm sorry" ME: "Meh. No biggie." NEIL: "Lol. Wow you really aren't yourself tonight."

And so then I really shpeal about him hiding from me the fact that his ex girlfriend gave him a ride home from school. Which, for the record, isn't the part that bothers me. What bothers me is the fact that he tried to hide it from me. And his reasoning for being hesitant to tell me was because the last time he mentioned her I "got upset." Which is true, I did, for the simple fact that the entire reason for mentioning her was to tell me that he still loved her. Which, any girl would be upset about.

And then he says how I judge him and how he feels like I get mad because he doesn't spend every waking moment with me or he hangs out with his other friends or goes on dates with other girls. Which, in some respect I do. But it's not the every waking moment, it's just that typically when you're dating and like and tell someone you love them you spend time with them. More than a few hours every 3 weeks. Call me crazy. But maybe the difference is we're not together so he doesn't feel that way. But the thing is that he DOESN'T TELL ME THESE THINGS. It's always wait until Kayli's pissed and says something and then suddenly I'm doing things wrong, too. It's just weird and I'm confused and hurting a bit. But we'll see how it goes. OH! And then toward the end of last night's conversation he says how he feels like a jerk and how he feels like things are really screwed up now. Which I don't feel that way at all. Things aren't irreparable we just need to communicate more and better. It's almost like he's trying to get me to quit trying to talk. Like he's trying to get out of our relationship easily. I don't know exactly what it is...but I don't feel good about it at all.
But we shall see.
OH good grief. :[

Loves loves.