I've been alone with you inside my mind...

I have officially decided that my bizarre need to write a blog when I really should be in bed is just fun. And it's sometimes is going to be the only time I remember that I need to write something. Well this week's been crazy. Nancy's been on vacation and will be back on Saturday. Shanna and I have gotten along pretty well. And thankfully we haven't had to work together a lot. There's been a TON of stuff we've needed to get done and while I've been trying to keep our little corner from looking like a pigsty she's been busy helping a few customers, texting her husband and making personal phone calls. Yup, while at work. And yes, while there have been customer's in the store. And NO I'm not joking. But I'm not really in the mood to start ranting and raving about the things that are just absolutely driving me insane with her because it will take you a good 20 minutes to read this particular entry. And I just am not completely in the mood to write a novel. But trust me I have PLENTY to say. Maybe I'll include a few spurts here and there in the next few blog entries... maybe. :]

Well GLEE started again this week and I just LOVE IT!!!! Oh, and I've also fallen in love with the song that Jesse, the lead male in vocal adrenaline, and Rachel sing in the music store (which I first thought was a library, and was incredibly confused as to why there was a piano in the middle of the aisles and people who clapped when they finished their little performance. OOPS, I then realized I was mistaken in my initial thought that it was a library. Haha.) Which is "Hello" by Lionel Richie. LOVE IT!!!

Cars are a PAIN IN MY BUTT!! First my seat belt has been going crazy. It's one of those track shoulder belts that moves every time you open/shut the door. Well before last week it just had its fits were it wouldn't go back all of the way so I'd have to pull it back. Then there were times it wouldn't go forward so I'd have to climb out from underneath it. And this had been going on for a couple weeks now. Then this past week it just hasn't worked. It just won't go back. And there's not one prayer in heaven that I could pull it back. And that lasted for approximately 5 days then just the day before yesterday it moved part of the way. Leaving this extremely greasy cord thing hanging out all of the time that I'd have to play limbo with while getting in and out of my car. All the while the seat belt just sat there. So today my wonderful Papa cut that stupid little cord and now I can just pull the seat belt back into position and forward as needed. LOVE IT! OH and then when my Dad gets home he tells me that I basically have a flat right rear tire. Which I did notice it was a bit low a couple days ago, but I just hadn't actually looked at it yet, and hadn't mentioned it to my Dad. So he used our compressor to fill it up with the air needed and now I get to go to Les Schwab in the morning and get it fixed. OH JOY! Just what I wanted to do before I get to work. Ai yai yai!

I also got meh herr done today so it's shorter and BLONDE...well mostly blonde. I guess it's more like heavily weaved. But it looks SO much better than it did before. And it had been begging me for a haircut for a couple months now. So I listened to it's request. And I'm incredibly happy with it. I mean 78 bucks later I better be happy with it! I mean really.

Well it's probably and definitely a good thing I didn't include my rants about Shanna in this or else you'd REALLY hate me. :] And this entry would be about twenty times longer than it already is. I mean it's taken me about 15 minutes to write it. I can't imagine how long it'd take to read it. So if you're reading this far, thanks. I'm sorry my life is boring and I rant about stupid things but I've got no other life so I'm totally okay with it. :]

Oh and I'm sorry but I must rant about this one thing. I have decided lately that I'm just going to plan on being single for the rest of my life. But I also feel like I think that way because I really feel much too young to be thinking about marriage. And it helps me to know that just because I'm not married by the time I'm 19 I'm still okay. When I watch tv like, Say Yes To The Dress (which I LOVE by the way) I see ladies back there that are at least 5-10 years older than me and are just getting married and just starting a family. I've come to realize that it's okay if I'm not married real real soon. If it's going to happen it's going to happen. And I've totally learned to trust that lesson learned. I've learned to trust more that the Lord has a plan for me. And if I was supposed to be married by 19 I'd have been married by now. But obviously that's not the way it's supposed to be. And I'm not going to let it drive me crazy by being single. Being single is a good thing. It's given me an opportunity to discover things that I want to do. And some of these things I want to do would be especially hard with a family. A few of the things on this list of things I want to do are:
*travel with a couple friends to Las Vegas for the NASCAR race down there.
*drive myself up to Yellowstone and spend a couple days up there.
*move into my own apartment.
*buy my own car (and actually be able to afford it.)
*buy my own couch (I know that probably seems silly but it's just one of those things that I've just died to do... Laugh if you want. It actually makes me giggle too.)
*expand my dvd collection
*buy my own plates and silverware...(Another one of those silly things I've always died to do. :] )

And that's the few I can think of at the moment. There are many more that find their way into my brain every once and a while... I just can't think of any at the moment. :]
I'm sorry this entry is so stinking long. But thanks for reading. :]

Loves loves. :]

I think it's time to try defying gravity...

Well hola! :] What a lovely Wednesday night. Today the weather was beautiful. I got to work today from 10-3:15. I was only supposed to work until 2 but it was SUPER insane. I felt bad for leaving Shanna alone. And I hope it wasn't too hectic for her after I left. Because I know what it's like to be alone and overwhelmed and I know how insane it can get. Plus she has to work all day tomorrow alone. I don't envy her that's for sure. But I do thank her for taking the day to work so I could have the day off. I need to go to my class to turn in my paper but to also work on our group presentation. Plus I get to go to the dentist to get two stupid fetching in-between the teether cavities filled. BAH! I really do floss! I swear I do. But apparently not well enough. Stupid. How joyful it'll be to be numb tomorrow...HA! I better remember my iPod or I think I might die from the disgusting squeal of the drill. Ugh. It absolutely makes me cringe. I'd take being numb in my entire mouth and cheeks for three days in a row over having to endure the squealing drill. Blech!!

I discovered tonight "Defying Gravity" sung by Kurt and Rachel of Glee and I simply must say that I'M IN LOOOOOOVE!! I've probably listened to this song 50 times... I LOVE it!!! Great music, great lyrics, and two fantastic people singing it. Man, if I had her lungs I'd be in heaven! :]

Whelp. Nancy's on vacation and won't be back until Saturday the 17th. So it's just Shanna and me. Just the two of us and it's bizarre. Nancy gave her SO many more hours. And I mean we REALLY do NOT need to work together so much. She drives me crazy. And I'm probably just as annoying to her. Which is fine with me. :] And as hard as it may be to believe I just really don't feel like saying much more tonight. But I'll post again soon.

Loves loves. :]

Whether with a thousand players or a lonely cast of one...

Well this week has been a good one I'd say. Got to have the day off due to hours today. AND I get tomorrow off. Which I'm rather excited about, especially since my little sister Lisa will be home. Dang that snow. I mean REALLY I was planning on being nice to my dog and taking her out for a walk while getting myself some exercise.

I have decided that I need to change my eating and work out habits. The work out habits especially, because for the last real long time, I have had no sort of work out regimen or any drive to get off my butt. But now we are GOING to change that.

I've said since high school that attitude is everything. And I truly believe that fully. If you have the attitude that you can't to do anything you really won't be able to do anything. If your telling yourself that you're going to go nowhere in life you will go nowhere. If you keep telling yourself that you can you're going to find that you really can. And there's where I'm changing my attitude about working out. I will find a way.

Yes there are certain things that I absolutely hate to do. RUNNING is one of them. I HATE running. My chest goes up and down like nobody's business and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and self-conscious. Plus I, and I'm sorry this is a little bit of tmi, but I can hold in my pee as well as a woman who's had 5 children. And anything rigorous or something stupid like jumping up and down, doing jumping jacks, and even jump roping. And it just BUGS me. I HATE feeling like an old granny who can't make it to the freaking bathroom in time. So, I've done my darndest to keep from running no matter what. Well I'm hoping that I can change that. We'll see. Since it snowed today I couldn't try it out, but I will. Soon I hope.

I'm sorry for the lameness nature of this blog but I just can't really think of a ton to write about.

OH! But I did buy a book today about marriage and stuff from Seagull Book and a talk on CD from this one Mary lady addressing single people. AND and orange chocolate truffle. Needless to say I've already enjoyed my truffle. :] Oh, and I must add that there is this boy in my writing class and he is just TOO cute. I think I've decided that I want to try to buddy up with him a little bit more.... because he is too cute and single and RM to pass by! :]]

Loves loves!

Come what may and love it!

Yes, dear friends. I have changed the name of my blog to fit my motto for the year. I've come to realize that I haven't exactly been the best person I can be. And after a few realizations and events that have taken place I find the drive to actually DO something. This is something I've never felt before...it's also something I've been praying to feel for quite some time. And I'm excited to get my life going in a good direction. I want to be a better person. I want to get rid of some old habits while creating new ones. I want to do good things with my life. Make a difference somehow. I want a better future for myself. And I find myself thinking that I could do whatever I set my mind do. This is also a new feeling to me. I mean, I guess I've always known I could but as I've thought about it; I've always bs'd my through things. Through school, for an example, I never applied myself I only stuck with what felt safe and comfortable to me. I never have gone outside the box. I've been lazy and relied on food and tv to get me through the day. Well NOT anymore. I will be the best Kayli I can be and I know that when I do it will be enough. It has to be enough.

Pardon me for my lack of excitement but I'm not entirely thrilled...

Why hello. :] It's been a while I realize. Sorry. It has been a crazy past couple of weeks. The weekend after Valentine's day my family and I took a quick one day trip to St. George to visit my ailing Grandpa. The Thursday after the Thursday after that I flew up to Boise (paid by my company) to go and work this expo we were having at the Boise store. After working approximately 35 hours in 3 days I fly home on Sunday night. Well during my little business trip, Friday March 5th to be exact, I got a call from my Mom telling me that my Grandpa had passed away. And I am so sad to see him go. Thank heaven for the knowledge of eternal families and the knowledge that I will see my Grandpa again.

Merrill Don Christensen was my Fathers, Father. He was born June 9th 1937 and passed away at approximately 3:00 AM on Friday March 5th 2010. He is the only Grandpa that I've really had a relationship with. Well, we didn't really have that close of a relationship but he has been in my life so much more than Charlie (my Mom's Father, which in all fairness to my wonderful mother is NOT her fault. And because of the choices he's made in his life I really have no interest in having a relationship with him.)
I loved my Grandpa very very much. He was always a quiet loving man and was a diabetic. Lisa and I would always love to go and watch him check his blood sugar and administer his insulin to himself. It was actually quite fascinating and he never would mind. Since My Grandma and Grandpa Christensen lived in St. George we didn't really get to see them very often. With the exception of Thanksgiving. We'd always go down to St. George for Thanksgiving and enjoy beautiful meals. Getting together with that side of the family was always enjoyable. No matter the little, meaningless, tiffs that we'd have we'd always seem to make it good times together.
Because of some of the events of the past weeks it's caused me to evaluate my life and where I'm at.
I will admit that I'm still not entirely happy with where I am but can now realize that there are worse places I could be.

I have the greatest parents in the world. I love them more than anything. Even though I can be stubborn and a sure pain in the butt for them sometimes they still love me unconditionally, and I couldn't be more grateful for their example. Or more grateful that I've been raised in the Gospel.

I've been having a tough time the past couple of months, and this is something I've never had to struggle with. I've never had my faith shaken or questions pop up in my mind about things that I really just don't even care to know about. There are questions that have come to mind and doubts that had been placed there and I've seen the power of Satan. He is a beast and I don't like him at all. I'm sorry, but he is a monster. I've seen, probably more now than ever before, just how he gets to you. It all starts with just this tiny sliver of doubt in your mind and then once he's there he'll find ways to clearly shake you even further. And the realization of this scares me SO much. I hate the thought that just because of the tiniest sliver of doubt it can grow into a full on fall from Christ. And I refuse to let myself get to that point. I don't think so dude. I will NOT be a vulnerable fool who lets you in for two seconds. I know now more than ever how true the church is. I don't care who you are but I KNOW that it is. And I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have that knowledge for themselves but your day will come. I've seen the power of the Lord, and the strength he gives me is stronger than any sliver of doubt that can ever be put into my mind.
I chose to come to this earth to be a good person, to grow and to learn, to become a wife and a mother and to grow close to the Lord. I chose to come and face the trials that I've faced and I know that there are so many more to come. But I can take it. With the strength my faith gives me and the power of prayer I will not fall, I will succeed and I will prevail and I will be with my Heavenly Father again. I will walk with my Savior, Jesus Christ who died for me; who shed so many drops of blood for my sins. I can't ever repay him but I can do my best. And try to be the best person I know I can be and hope that's enough.

I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not afraid.

Hello there blogging community and world wide web. And even the few, few people who actually read this blog here. I figured I just leave a small post today, seeing as I've been slacking the past few weeks. Nothing much has been going on lately that's new. Just the usual. Sucking and school, work, and sucking at being a daughter and sister. I try to be good, but I just hurt people when I really really don't mean to.
Work's been good I suppose. It's super nice to have Shanna around because yesterday Nancy and I would have died being alone. Luckily we survived. :]
Last Sunday was the Daytona 500 and I'm happy that Jamie McMurray won. Yes, yes I would've preferred my baby, Jeff Gordon #24 for those of you that for some reason did not know, winning. But I'm SO happy that JJ did not finish. 1st race of the season and he got a dnf. HAHA!
I've almost officially decided that I will end up an old ornery woman who's lonely and who hates people. Which I hope that I do not...but for some reason I just can't help but not feel worthy of anything happy, because I find myself feeling like I don't deserve happiness. I don't exactly know why, but I don't.
Oh well...I guess if I want to change things, I'm going to have to change them.
I've also found myself not happy with where I am right now. I have half a mind to not take any classes anymore and just go flip burgers at In and Out Burger. But I know I must continue on and I WILL be where I want to be in life one day. I'm still not there and not exactly sure what's going to make me happy. But I will figure it out. :]

Loves loves. :]

Sweet dreams are made of these, who am I to disagree?

Well this week has been an interesting one. That's for sure for sure. My car was broken into, yet again, on Wednesday and the stupid guy stole my backpack. Freakin douche. Stop stealing my crap and go get your own damn money. It irks me that this is the second time in about 2 1/2 months and I'm pretty dang sure it's the same stupid guy. Grrr. There are a couple more things going on at work that I don't intend on discussing with anyone because I just don't really want to. And yes, It's probably not the best idea to do so because I always hold it all back and then burst at the wrong person. Which I'm very sorry for but I have my neurotic moments and lately there have been a bunch of them.
Especially with Riley's passing, things have just been a little bit too sad and melancholy. Even though Riley and I weren't the best of friends he was still just such a great friend. And why he thought there was no way for things to get better than just to get out is so sad and I'll never ever understand it. I mean, I do have somewhat of an idea of where he's coming from because I've had my own share of suicidal thoughts in my time and most of those thoughts were less than 2 years ago and even still lately. I could never, never act on those thoughts, but I know what it feels like to be low. And down on yourself and feel alone.
I just can not express how much I know that leaning towards the gospel, although I am far, far, far from perfect in every single way, I know that without the gospel and the church being my lifeline and knowing that it'll all be worth it keeps me alive. And knowing that the Lord loves me and knows me personally and has testified to me, through terrific people, that he's watching over me and knows what I need and how to help me. And I can't express my gratitude for my knowledge of that enough.
I can't even imagine what the Jenkins' family is feeling but I pray for them every day. If it was my sister who thought that there was absolutely no where else to turn and I was in their position right now I don't know how I would survive. Especially without the love of my Savior, my family, my ward family and friends.

Well it's time for bed now. Go Colts tomorrow at the Superbowl and I can't wait for next Sunday because it's the official start of the 2010 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series with the Daytona 500!! I'm SO excited! :]

Loves loves. :]