Well this week has been a good one I'd say. Got to have the day off due to hours today. AND I get tomorrow off. Which I'm rather excited about, especially since my little sister Lisa will be home. Dang that snow. I mean REALLY I was planning on being nice to my dog and taking her out for a walk while getting myself some exercise.
I have decided that I need to change my eating and work out habits. The work out habits especially, because for the last real long time, I have had no sort of work out regimen or any drive to get off my butt. But now we are GOING to change that.
I've said since high school that attitude is everything. And I truly believe that fully. If you have the attitude that you can't to do anything you really won't be able to do anything. If your telling yourself that you're going to go nowhere in life you will go nowhere. If you keep telling yourself that you can you're going to find that you really can. And there's where I'm changing my attitude about working out. I will find a way.
Yes there are certain things that I absolutely hate to do. RUNNING is one of them. I HATE running. My chest goes up and down like nobody's business and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and self-conscious. Plus I, and I'm sorry this is a little bit of tmi, but I can hold in my pee as well as a woman who's had 5 children. And anything rigorous or something stupid like jumping up and down, doing jumping jacks, and even jump roping. And it just BUGS me. I HATE feeling like an old granny who can't make it to the freaking bathroom in time. So, I've done my darndest to keep from running no matter what. Well I'm hoping that I can change that. We'll see. Since it snowed today I couldn't try it out, but I will. Soon I hope.
I'm sorry for the lameness nature of this blog but I just can't really think of a ton to write about.
OH! But I did buy a book today about marriage and stuff from Seagull Book and a talk on CD from this one Mary lady addressing single people. AND and orange chocolate truffle. Needless to say I've already enjoyed my truffle. :] Oh, and I must add that there is this boy in my writing class and he is just TOO cute. I think I've decided that I want to try to buddy up with him a little bit more.... because he is too cute and single and RM to pass by! :]]
Loves loves!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Come what may and love it!
Yes, dear friends. I have changed the name of my blog to fit my motto for the year. I've come to realize that I haven't exactly been the best person I can be. And after a few realizations and events that have taken place I find the drive to actually DO something. This is something I've never felt before...it's also something I've been praying to feel for quite some time. And I'm excited to get my life going in a good direction. I want to be a better person. I want to get rid of some old habits while creating new ones. I want to do good things with my life. Make a difference somehow. I want a better future for myself. And I find myself thinking that I could do whatever I set my mind do. This is also a new feeling to me. I mean, I guess I've always known I could but as I've thought about it; I've always bs'd my through things. Through school, for an example, I never applied myself I only stuck with what felt safe and comfortable to me. I never have gone outside the box. I've been lazy and relied on food and tv to get me through the day. Well NOT anymore. I will be the best Kayli I can be and I know that when I do it will be enough. It has to be enough.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Pardon me for my lack of excitement but I'm not entirely thrilled...
Why hello. :] It's been a while I realize. Sorry. It has been a crazy past couple of weeks. The weekend after Valentine's day my family and I took a quick one day trip to St. George to visit my ailing Grandpa. The Thursday after the Thursday after that I flew up to Boise (paid by my company) to go and work this expo we were having at the Boise store. After working approximately 35 hours in 3 days I fly home on Sunday night. Well during my little business trip, Friday March 5th to be exact, I got a call from my Mom telling me that my Grandpa had passed away. And I am so sad to see him go. Thank heaven for the knowledge of eternal families and the knowledge that I will see my Grandpa again.
Merrill Don Christensen was my Fathers, Father. He was born June 9th 1937 and passed away at approximately 3:00 AM on Friday March 5th 2010. He is the only Grandpa that I've really had a relationship with. Well, we didn't really have that close of a relationship but he has been in my life so much more than Charlie (my Mom's Father, which in all fairness to my wonderful mother is NOT her fault. And because of the choices he's made in his life I really have no interest in having a relationship with him.)
I loved my Grandpa very very much. He was always a quiet loving man and was a diabetic. Lisa and I would always love to go and watch him check his blood sugar and administer his insulin to himself. It was actually quite fascinating and he never would mind. Since My Grandma and Grandpa Christensen lived in St. George we didn't really get to see them very often. With the exception of Thanksgiving. We'd always go down to St. George for Thanksgiving and enjoy beautiful meals. Getting together with that side of the family was always enjoyable. No matter the little, meaningless, tiffs that we'd have we'd always seem to make it good times together.
Because of some of the events of the past weeks it's caused me to evaluate my life and where I'm at.
I will admit that I'm still not entirely happy with where I am but can now realize that there are worse places I could be.
I have the greatest parents in the world. I love them more than anything. Even though I can be stubborn and a sure pain in the butt for them sometimes they still love me unconditionally, and I couldn't be more grateful for their example. Or more grateful that I've been raised in the Gospel.
I've been having a tough time the past couple of months, and this is something I've never had to struggle with. I've never had my faith shaken or questions pop up in my mind about things that I really just don't even care to know about. There are questions that have come to mind and doubts that had been placed there and I've seen the power of Satan. He is a beast and I don't like him at all. I'm sorry, but he is a monster. I've seen, probably more now than ever before, just how he gets to you. It all starts with just this tiny sliver of doubt in your mind and then once he's there he'll find ways to clearly shake you even further. And the realization of this scares me SO much. I hate the thought that just because of the tiniest sliver of doubt it can grow into a full on fall from Christ. And I refuse to let myself get to that point. I don't think so dude. I will NOT be a vulnerable fool who lets you in for two seconds. I know now more than ever how true the church is. I don't care who you are but I KNOW that it is. And I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have that knowledge for themselves but your day will come. I've seen the power of the Lord, and the strength he gives me is stronger than any sliver of doubt that can ever be put into my mind.
I chose to come to this earth to be a good person, to grow and to learn, to become a wife and a mother and to grow close to the Lord. I chose to come and face the trials that I've faced and I know that there are so many more to come. But I can take it. With the strength my faith gives me and the power of prayer I will not fall, I will succeed and I will prevail and I will be with my Heavenly Father again. I will walk with my Savior, Jesus Christ who died for me; who shed so many drops of blood for my sins. I can't ever repay him but I can do my best. And try to be the best person I know I can be and hope that's enough.
Merrill Don Christensen was my Fathers, Father. He was born June 9th 1937 and passed away at approximately 3:00 AM on Friday March 5th 2010. He is the only Grandpa that I've really had a relationship with. Well, we didn't really have that close of a relationship but he has been in my life so much more than Charlie (my Mom's Father, which in all fairness to my wonderful mother is NOT her fault. And because of the choices he's made in his life I really have no interest in having a relationship with him.)
I loved my Grandpa very very much. He was always a quiet loving man and was a diabetic. Lisa and I would always love to go and watch him check his blood sugar and administer his insulin to himself. It was actually quite fascinating and he never would mind. Since My Grandma and Grandpa Christensen lived in St. George we didn't really get to see them very often. With the exception of Thanksgiving. We'd always go down to St. George for Thanksgiving and enjoy beautiful meals. Getting together with that side of the family was always enjoyable. No matter the little, meaningless, tiffs that we'd have we'd always seem to make it good times together.
Because of some of the events of the past weeks it's caused me to evaluate my life and where I'm at.
I will admit that I'm still not entirely happy with where I am but can now realize that there are worse places I could be.
I have the greatest parents in the world. I love them more than anything. Even though I can be stubborn and a sure pain in the butt for them sometimes they still love me unconditionally, and I couldn't be more grateful for their example. Or more grateful that I've been raised in the Gospel.
I've been having a tough time the past couple of months, and this is something I've never had to struggle with. I've never had my faith shaken or questions pop up in my mind about things that I really just don't even care to know about. There are questions that have come to mind and doubts that had been placed there and I've seen the power of Satan. He is a beast and I don't like him at all. I'm sorry, but he is a monster. I've seen, probably more now than ever before, just how he gets to you. It all starts with just this tiny sliver of doubt in your mind and then once he's there he'll find ways to clearly shake you even further. And the realization of this scares me SO much. I hate the thought that just because of the tiniest sliver of doubt it can grow into a full on fall from Christ. And I refuse to let myself get to that point. I don't think so dude. I will NOT be a vulnerable fool who lets you in for two seconds. I know now more than ever how true the church is. I don't care who you are but I KNOW that it is. And I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have that knowledge for themselves but your day will come. I've seen the power of the Lord, and the strength he gives me is stronger than any sliver of doubt that can ever be put into my mind.
I chose to come to this earth to be a good person, to grow and to learn, to become a wife and a mother and to grow close to the Lord. I chose to come and face the trials that I've faced and I know that there are so many more to come. But I can take it. With the strength my faith gives me and the power of prayer I will not fall, I will succeed and I will prevail and I will be with my Heavenly Father again. I will walk with my Savior, Jesus Christ who died for me; who shed so many drops of blood for my sins. I can't ever repay him but I can do my best. And try to be the best person I know I can be and hope that's enough.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not afraid.
Hello there blogging community and world wide web. And even the few, few people who actually read this blog here. I figured I just leave a small post today, seeing as I've been slacking the past few weeks. Nothing much has been going on lately that's new. Just the usual. Sucking and school, work, and sucking at being a daughter and sister. I try to be good, but I just hurt people when I really really don't mean to.
Work's been good I suppose. It's super nice to have Shanna around because yesterday Nancy and I would have died being alone. Luckily we survived. :]
Last Sunday was the Daytona 500 and I'm happy that Jamie McMurray won. Yes, yes I would've preferred my baby, Jeff Gordon #24 for those of you that for some reason did not know, winning. But I'm SO happy that JJ did not finish. 1st race of the season and he got a dnf. HAHA!
I've almost officially decided that I will end up an old ornery woman who's lonely and who hates people. Which I hope that I do not...but for some reason I just can't help but not feel worthy of anything happy, because I find myself feeling like I don't deserve happiness. I don't exactly know why, but I don't.
Oh well...I guess if I want to change things, I'm going to have to change them.
I've also found myself not happy with where I am right now. I have half a mind to not take any classes anymore and just go flip burgers at In and Out Burger. But I know I must continue on and I WILL be where I want to be in life one day. I'm still not there and not exactly sure what's going to make me happy. But I will figure it out. :]
Loves loves. :]
Work's been good I suppose. It's super nice to have Shanna around because yesterday Nancy and I would have died being alone. Luckily we survived. :]
Last Sunday was the Daytona 500 and I'm happy that Jamie McMurray won. Yes, yes I would've preferred my baby, Jeff Gordon #24 for those of you that for some reason did not know, winning. But I'm SO happy that JJ did not finish. 1st race of the season and he got a dnf. HAHA!
I've almost officially decided that I will end up an old ornery woman who's lonely and who hates people. Which I hope that I do not...but for some reason I just can't help but not feel worthy of anything happy, because I find myself feeling like I don't deserve happiness. I don't exactly know why, but I don't.
Oh well...I guess if I want to change things, I'm going to have to change them.
I've also found myself not happy with where I am right now. I have half a mind to not take any classes anymore and just go flip burgers at In and Out Burger. But I know I must continue on and I WILL be where I want to be in life one day. I'm still not there and not exactly sure what's going to make me happy. But I will figure it out. :]
Loves loves. :]
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Sweet dreams are made of these, who am I to disagree?
Well this week has been an interesting one. That's for sure for sure. My car was broken into, yet again, on Wednesday and the stupid guy stole my backpack. Freakin douche. Stop stealing my crap and go get your own damn money. It irks me that this is the second time in about 2 1/2 months and I'm pretty dang sure it's the same stupid guy. Grrr. There are a couple more things going on at work that I don't intend on discussing with anyone because I just don't really want to. And yes, It's probably not the best idea to do so because I always hold it all back and then burst at the wrong person. Which I'm very sorry for but I have my neurotic moments and lately there have been a bunch of them.
Especially with Riley's passing, things have just been a little bit too sad and melancholy. Even though Riley and I weren't the best of friends he was still just such a great friend. And why he thought there was no way for things to get better than just to get out is so sad and I'll never ever understand it. I mean, I do have somewhat of an idea of where he's coming from because I've had my own share of suicidal thoughts in my time and most of those thoughts were less than 2 years ago and even still lately. I could never, never act on those thoughts, but I know what it feels like to be low. And down on yourself and feel alone.
I just can not express how much I know that leaning towards the gospel, although I am far, far, far from perfect in every single way, I know that without the gospel and the church being my lifeline and knowing that it'll all be worth it keeps me alive. And knowing that the Lord loves me and knows me personally and has testified to me, through terrific people, that he's watching over me and knows what I need and how to help me. And I can't express my gratitude for my knowledge of that enough.
I can't even imagine what the Jenkins' family is feeling but I pray for them every day. If it was my sister who thought that there was absolutely no where else to turn and I was in their position right now I don't know how I would survive. Especially without the love of my Savior, my family, my ward family and friends.
Well it's time for bed now. Go Colts tomorrow at the Superbowl and I can't wait for next Sunday because it's the official start of the 2010 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series with the Daytona 500!! I'm SO excited! :]
Loves loves. :]
Especially with Riley's passing, things have just been a little bit too sad and melancholy. Even though Riley and I weren't the best of friends he was still just such a great friend. And why he thought there was no way for things to get better than just to get out is so sad and I'll never ever understand it. I mean, I do have somewhat of an idea of where he's coming from because I've had my own share of suicidal thoughts in my time and most of those thoughts were less than 2 years ago and even still lately. I could never, never act on those thoughts, but I know what it feels like to be low. And down on yourself and feel alone.
I just can not express how much I know that leaning towards the gospel, although I am far, far, far from perfect in every single way, I know that without the gospel and the church being my lifeline and knowing that it'll all be worth it keeps me alive. And knowing that the Lord loves me and knows me personally and has testified to me, through terrific people, that he's watching over me and knows what I need and how to help me. And I can't express my gratitude for my knowledge of that enough.
I can't even imagine what the Jenkins' family is feeling but I pray for them every day. If it was my sister who thought that there was absolutely no where else to turn and I was in their position right now I don't know how I would survive. Especially without the love of my Savior, my family, my ward family and friends.
Well it's time for bed now. Go Colts tomorrow at the Superbowl and I can't wait for next Sunday because it's the official start of the 2010 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series with the Daytona 500!! I'm SO excited! :]
Loves loves. :]
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Random Kayli facts...
Well I have decided that since nothing much that is special or exciting is going on in my life I figured I'd share a few random facts that not a lot of people know about me...and some of these facts I probably have told some people, and some are just "we already knew that about you Kayli" things. :]
Loves loves. :]
- I love Cafe Rio. It's so stinking nummy! Two chicken enchiladas, mild sauce, pinto beans, and rice, with lettuce it my favorite.
- I've been finding lately that I like to read....not a ton....but I quite enjoy it...sometimes.
- I am a clutz. I burn myself, I trip over flat surfaces, I bump into things, I stab myself with jewelers screwdrivers. Just a TON of stupid things.
- I'm very forgetful...if you want me to remember it you must write it on a post-it note and stick it to my forehead and then remind me to actually read it.
- I LOVE Jeff Gordon. He is my most favorite NASCAR driver ever!
- I love NASCAR.
- I love open wheel racing.
- I love to play with cars.
- I have a secret desire to become a mechanic. Cars excite me.
- I want to find my Edward.
- I love looking at pictures. They bring back great memories and make me smile.
- I LOVE milk.
- I have a strong passion for music.
- I love all types of music from country to rock and classical to opera.
- One of these days I WILL go to Hawaii and just relax my butt under an umbrella and just soak up the beauty of the beach and the ocean.
- I love cute quotes.
- My Dad is one of my most favorite people in the world. Even though he has his ornery days I still love being around him and taking shopping trips to Lowe's and help him build things.
- My Mom is the strongest, best person and friend I have. She'll always set me straight. And no matter how obstinate I am I still love and respect her more than she'll ever know.
- I love technology. Computers are stinking awesome.
- I have a love for playing solitaire. Not just on the computer, but with real cards. My Great Uncle Clark would sit at the bar at his place and I'd sit there for an hour or so just watching him. He's the one who taught me how to play.
- I love to sing and dance in the car.
- I'm very picky about things. I don't like things to be messy, even though you would never be able to tell from the mess of a room I have. But it's an organized mess, I think. ;]
- I want so badly to have nice handwriting. I'd love to do calligraphy and I even have a practice kit from 7th grade.
- I love movies.
- I love to sit in silence....sometimes. But then after not too long I get bored and sing to myself. It's awesome. ;] Haha!
Loves loves. :]
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
In loving memory of Riley Doyle Jenkins 7/10/1990-1/19/2010
On Tuesday January 19th 2010 a friend I've known for nearly 14 years now passed away. Now the real reason of how he passed is unknown to everyone but Christ, Riley, and his family. I've listed the lyrics to a really great song by Rascal Flatts called "Why" and it says everything. It's been a hard week and it's just one of those things that you just can't seem to wrap your head around. And it's so sad. This kid was two days older than me. He's always been such a great great great friend. And his death is so tragic. I've never been more thankful, and thoughtful, about how grateful I am for eternal families. I know that if I didn't have that knowledge I couldn't get through the day. But thanks to my religion I KNOW that life doesn't end here on this earth, families are forever, and the repentance was made possible through Christ's sacrifice. I can not express how bad I feel for Riley's family and how much he will be missed. I love you SO much Riley and I can't wait to play basketball in heaven...even though you'll kick my butt. Love ya Riley. :]
Rascal Flatts "Why"...
It must of been in a place so dark, you couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little home town
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd
Oh why that's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, god only knows
What went wrong and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song
Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Rounding third to score the winning run
You always played with passion no matter what the game
When you took the stage you shined just like the sun
Oh why that's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song
Yeah yeah yeah
Now the oak trees are swayin' in the early autumn breeze
The golden sun is shining on my face
The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that bad a place
Oh why there's no comprehending
And who am I to try to judge or explain
Oh but I do have one burning question
Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?
They were wrong
They lied
And now you're gone
And we cried
Cause It's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song
Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song
Rascal Flatts "Why"...
It must of been in a place so dark, you couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little home town
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd
Oh why that's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, god only knows
What went wrong and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song
Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Rounding third to score the winning run
You always played with passion no matter what the game
When you took the stage you shined just like the sun
Oh why that's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song
Yeah yeah yeah
Now the oak trees are swayin' in the early autumn breeze
The golden sun is shining on my face
The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that bad a place
Oh why there's no comprehending
And who am I to try to judge or explain
Oh but I do have one burning question
Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?
They were wrong
They lied
And now you're gone
And we cried
Cause It's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song
Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song
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