Hello there blogging community and world wide web. And even the few, few people who actually read this blog here. I figured I just leave a small post today, seeing as I've been slacking the past few weeks. Nothing much has been going on lately that's new. Just the usual. Sucking and school, work, and sucking at being a daughter and sister. I try to be good, but I just hurt people when I really really don't mean to.
Work's been good I suppose. It's super nice to have Shanna around because yesterday Nancy and I would have died being alone. Luckily we survived. :]
Last Sunday was the Daytona 500 and I'm happy that Jamie McMurray won. Yes, yes I would've preferred my baby, Jeff Gordon #24 for those of you that for some reason did not know, winning. But I'm SO happy that JJ did not finish. 1st race of the season and he got a dnf. HAHA!
I've almost officially decided that I will end up an old ornery woman who's lonely and who hates people. Which I hope that I do not...but for some reason I just can't help but not feel worthy of anything happy, because I find myself feeling like I don't deserve happiness. I don't exactly know why, but I don't.
Oh well...I guess if I want to change things, I'm going to have to change them.
I've also found myself not happy with where I am right now. I have half a mind to not take any classes anymore and just go flip burgers at In and Out Burger. But I know I must continue on and I WILL be where I want to be in life one day. I'm still not there and not exactly sure what's going to make me happy. But I will figure it out. :]
Loves loves. :]
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Sweet dreams are made of these, who am I to disagree?
Well this week has been an interesting one. That's for sure for sure. My car was broken into, yet again, on Wednesday and the stupid guy stole my backpack. Freakin douche. Stop stealing my crap and go get your own damn money. It irks me that this is the second time in about 2 1/2 months and I'm pretty dang sure it's the same stupid guy. Grrr. There are a couple more things going on at work that I don't intend on discussing with anyone because I just don't really want to. And yes, It's probably not the best idea to do so because I always hold it all back and then burst at the wrong person. Which I'm very sorry for but I have my neurotic moments and lately there have been a bunch of them.
Especially with Riley's passing, things have just been a little bit too sad and melancholy. Even though Riley and I weren't the best of friends he was still just such a great friend. And why he thought there was no way for things to get better than just to get out is so sad and I'll never ever understand it. I mean, I do have somewhat of an idea of where he's coming from because I've had my own share of suicidal thoughts in my time and most of those thoughts were less than 2 years ago and even still lately. I could never, never act on those thoughts, but I know what it feels like to be low. And down on yourself and feel alone.
I just can not express how much I know that leaning towards the gospel, although I am far, far, far from perfect in every single way, I know that without the gospel and the church being my lifeline and knowing that it'll all be worth it keeps me alive. And knowing that the Lord loves me and knows me personally and has testified to me, through terrific people, that he's watching over me and knows what I need and how to help me. And I can't express my gratitude for my knowledge of that enough.
I can't even imagine what the Jenkins' family is feeling but I pray for them every day. If it was my sister who thought that there was absolutely no where else to turn and I was in their position right now I don't know how I would survive. Especially without the love of my Savior, my family, my ward family and friends.
Well it's time for bed now. Go Colts tomorrow at the Superbowl and I can't wait for next Sunday because it's the official start of the 2010 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series with the Daytona 500!! I'm SO excited! :]
Loves loves. :]
Especially with Riley's passing, things have just been a little bit too sad and melancholy. Even though Riley and I weren't the best of friends he was still just such a great friend. And why he thought there was no way for things to get better than just to get out is so sad and I'll never ever understand it. I mean, I do have somewhat of an idea of where he's coming from because I've had my own share of suicidal thoughts in my time and most of those thoughts were less than 2 years ago and even still lately. I could never, never act on those thoughts, but I know what it feels like to be low. And down on yourself and feel alone.
I just can not express how much I know that leaning towards the gospel, although I am far, far, far from perfect in every single way, I know that without the gospel and the church being my lifeline and knowing that it'll all be worth it keeps me alive. And knowing that the Lord loves me and knows me personally and has testified to me, through terrific people, that he's watching over me and knows what I need and how to help me. And I can't express my gratitude for my knowledge of that enough.
I can't even imagine what the Jenkins' family is feeling but I pray for them every day. If it was my sister who thought that there was absolutely no where else to turn and I was in their position right now I don't know how I would survive. Especially without the love of my Savior, my family, my ward family and friends.
Well it's time for bed now. Go Colts tomorrow at the Superbowl and I can't wait for next Sunday because it's the official start of the 2010 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series with the Daytona 500!! I'm SO excited! :]
Loves loves. :]
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