Forever and ever...

Well, it has certainly been a while, hasn't it? Well, life has been pretty good. Full of the usual ups and downs but mostly ups. :] Which, for me, is most excellent. Christmas went well here in the Christensen house. My favorite present, is one I bought about a month and a half early, is my 2004 Pontiac Grand Prix. :]]] It is-a gorgeous! :] Oh, and I did get a new iPod, of the Nano sort (it's a touch screen, cool, eh?!?!?)

Well, I was just reading a friend's post about being 17 months from 30 years old. And right now I'm just shy of 6 months from 21 and he set a goal to lose 60 pounds in the next 17 months. So, about 1 pound a week. So, in my want to lose weight as well I have to decided to try my damnedest to lose 40 pounds. That's giving me about 6.6666666 pounds to lose a month. And I think that is something that is very doable! And I'm going to do it. If I lose 40 pounds (from what I weigh now, well as of this morning) that will put me at about 193-194ish pounds. Which is a weight I haven't seen since junior high school. But I want to feel better about myself. I'm so so so so sick of looking at my sister and being jealous. Now, granted I don't think I'll ever feel as beautiful as her because I just don't feel I've got a gorgeous face and personality as she does. Which, I'm hoping that changes right quick with the change of my body. I thoroughly recognize that I need to lose over double 40 pounds ultimately. But, I'm hoping that I can find the motivation and desire to do so. But I think 40 pounds is a dang good start. I'm setting a before New Year's Resolution resolution; to get on every week and display my progress. Wish me luck! (Oh, and I think plenty of prayers will do greatly as well) :]


OH! I almost forgot to say this last thing. I absolutely LOVE my best friend, Kevin. He is an amazing man whom I've known for a good 14-15 years now. And I can't wait to add on 50 more years. I love you, Kev! :]]

Loves loves! :]

Close every door to me, keep those I love from me....

Hello.

Yeah, I think hello is quite the proper greeting. It's been a while, to say the least, since I've posted anything.... But if it counts at all I started a post a few days ago, just hadn't finished it and I decided against posting what I was going to rant about. Partially because I can't remember what I was going to rant about but then partially also because I don't want to post what I wanted to then now. Make sense? Good. :]

The past few weeks have been alright. On Saturday, October 30th I was leaving work and was walking down the associate stairs to go to my car (completely ignoring the distinct voice I heard telling me to go down the elevator) stopping on the second stair from the bottom to find my keys. Well, need I say more other than I did a good and forgot there were two more stairs, fell down them, and found out about a week and a few days later that I broke my ankle. Technically, it's a pull-off fracture of my talus (tay-lus) bone in my ankle. A not so good bone to break. And so, here I sit about a month later still wearing my boot, trudging around. "Gimpy" has become my nickname around town. Joy.

The semester is about to end and I have got a few final projects due in the next couple days that I haven't even started. Not. Good.
This semester has been a fairly good one. It's flown by. I'd recommend both my classes. But I'd warn for the International Literature and Culture class has a TON of homework and reading and it's absolutely insane. 900 points total for this class. CRAZY! Also, the professor of the class is a Gay man who has a deep interest in making you see his way. And a ton of the movies you are required to watch are all about gays. And I don't have any problem with treating everyone equally. And that's something this class has taught me especially. I've learned to have a greater love for human beings, and I've learned that I need to be a better person and not judge people. And there are things in the world I've never known that I've learned through this class. Throughout the semester we've learned about cultures throughout the world and things about our country I never ever would've known. Things that aren't so fabulous. I've learned about Marxism and democracy and the Aztecs and ancient civilizations and their beliefs and have grown to love History even more. I want a career and I want a career that changes lives. I know that I can never change the world but if I can make it better little by little then I want to do so. I still don't know exactly what that could be, but I intend on figuring it out.

Throughout the semester I've learned about the differences in cultures and how we as a society decide who is privileged and who is not and who's the "other." We decide who doesn't get the privilege. Before this class I never would've considered being able to walk into a classroom and not having to worry if I'm going to be the only white person in the class as a privilege. And there is so much more I can't even type it all right now.

But I've found a new person in me.

Now, I want to say that first and foremost I love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for everything they've done for me. One of the things this class has taught me is that I don't know a lot about other religions or other parts of the world and I now know that I want to. I still believe in the church and I know it's where I want to be. But I don't know without a shadow of a doubt if it's what I really really want. I do know that through the past few weeks (and a part of it has been that I've had to work on several Sundays causing me to miss church several times and I feel incredibly spiritually deprived and lost and I just need some Christ in my life.

I feel like I want to try other things. I don't know if I should feel bad about this or not. I don't know if my reasoning is because I just want to find something wrong or if I truly want to know the truth. My gut is conflicted. And that is making me very nervous. If I'm conflicted about my reasoning then I really don't want to venture out because then I really fear that I'll just find wrong where I want to find wrong. And I don't want to be misled. And I don't want my crazed mind to take over what the spirit is telling me and my heart is saying. Because I know best that my mind hasn't always been the best listener to what the spirit is telling me.

Oh good grief. I'm conflicted and I know what I've known for my entire life and then I know what I want to explore but I'm afraid for more than one reason.

Maybe I fear disappointing my Mother. But mostly I fear disappointing my Savior. The single person who has done more for me than I could ever repay. Do I want to defy His word just to satisfy my own curiosity? Or am I really not defying, I'm just sincerely wanting to know the truth. Am I expecting fireworks?! I think I'm the only one who has the answers. And of course another Sunday comes and I can't go to church because they're making us be open. Ugh. I hate this.

Isn't that the way, Everybody's got their dues in life to pay....

Okay, so I know my last post was all about how I hate my little sister and am blaming all of my problems on her. Well, this post is an apology to her.

Lisa, I'm sorry. I royally screwed up and totally threw you under the bus. I shouldn't have said what I did. I love you and I'm sorry.

But it's thanks to that post and ranting session that I really figured out what's my issue. And I still feel like I've got things I need to work on. Which is totally the case, but I know how to.

Aubrey Andrus,
Thank you much for posting that quote. It really got me going and want to change. I don't know what happened but I've started changing my lifestyle. I lost the 3 pounds I gained and even more than that. And it's going to continue. So, again, thanks so much for stalking my blog and posting such amazing things. I love you! :]

I also just want to say that I love my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ and their meaning in my life. The constant love and understanding are the reasons I'm alive. The things I've been blessed with in life are beyond what I can repay, but I figure I can just be my best and give it my all. And that's how I'm going to get anywhere in life.

Criticize all you want people, but it's what I KNOW. WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT. I know my Father lives. I know he loves me unconditionally, and I hope that everyone will come to know of His love. Because it's truly amazing and has saved my life in so many ways.

Oh, I also came to the realization that I have had a lot of trials in my life. And more are here and more are coming because I obviously have more things I need to learn. And my little pity party of a last post is no more. :]

Loves loves.

No One To Share The Blame...

So, I've been in a funk. As seen in my last post.

Monday morning I woke up from a dream. This dream was one that thoroughly depressed me. To the point where I decided I was bipolar, had PMDD, completely insane and sincerely need professional help. Which, I still believe to be true. But not for the same reasons as I felt Monday morning...well somewhat.

Not twenty minutes ago I had an epiphany. A huge part of what I have been feeling is pure jealousy. I've never felt such pure jealousy for someone in my entire life. Who am I jealous of?

Lisa.

Yes. My little sister, Lisa.

Some of the things I figured out were not that I'm just jealous, I almost fully hate her. Because of her beauty, her witty personality, her body, the fact she has this totally amazing guy who adores her (and I don't blame him.) Seriously. Hang out with Lisa for 15 minutes and you'll love her. Also, she says the stupidest things at the complete wrong time. What's super hard about that is she doesn't even know she hurts me so badly. But I don't know what to do to make her stop. And one of the biggest things is that she's already got the dancing ability above me but now she's got a better singing voice than I. Singing has always been "my" thing. Or so I thought. I hate her because I can't have what she has.
The hardest part is that I really don't hate her. I love her and am so proud of who she is. What I hate is that I can't have that. And what I hate most is that I have no motivation, none, zip, zilch, notta motivated bone in my body to really change that. The only thing I really can change is my body. And I'm working on it. But having zero motivation is freaking hard!

I feel bad because it's not her fault. But I still can't stop being jealous. I sit here, crying, typing this because I don't know what else to do. I am stumped. I don't know what to do and I don't know who to go to. Ugh. I hate myself now more than ever.

But, why?
I feel like I've been through enough trials in my life up to this point and I can't get over a lot of them. Why is more being piled on me? I don't know how much more I can take.

This is the exact, total, complete OPPOSITE of happiness.
Sucktastic.

Got away by some mistake...

So, this little "funk" I've been in is still there. But getting better.
SHANNA QUIT YESTERDAY! THANK YOU, LORD! I cannot tell you how relieving it was to throw her S*** away and just be rid of her. I LOVE it! :]

Anyways, back to the funk. A lot of the time lately I've been feeling very down on myself... especially with Lisa around. And some of the things she does and says just puts me farther down in le funk. And I hate it. I hate how I constantly compare myself to her.
Some of the thoughts that frequently enter my mind are:
"Why couldn't you have taken better care of yourself in high school."
"Why was I the one who was constantly picked on from grade 1 to grade 12 where the taunting never stopped?"
"Why can't you get off your butt and fix yourself?"
"What's wrong with me?"
My senior year of high school was the year I constantly considered suicide. And I know now that I would've never really done anything but I look back at everything that made me feel like I was worth absolutely nothing. And I still see that in myself but I know there's got to be some way that I can help myself feel better about who I am and what I look like. I HATE being in the bathroom with Lisa. Because all I do is compare. I look at my body and I look back at hers and I feel nothing but regret and hatred for myself.
I don't know what I ever did to those boys to make me their target for 12 years. And if you were to ask me what exactly it was they did to me, I couldn't tell you. But I can start crying... and I figure that if you can't tell anyone what it was they did but you could bawl your eyes out for an hour plus it's got to be pretty bad. And I don't know what to do to get over it. :[
How do you get over things that went on for years?
How do I get over hating on myself for some of the choices I've made? At times I just wish I could turn back the clock and redo everything. But then again I wouldn't be who I am without all of it. I wouldn't have some of the best people ever in my life, and so close to my heart, without some of these things happening.
How can I be grateful when I feel so terrible?

There is currently no lyric of song that comes to mind to be the title of this here post... Oh my.

I am in a funk. It's weird and foreign and I want out! I want this mundane, boring, grandmother-like lifestyle gone bye-bye. How to fix it?! Hmmm.

Can you still see the heart of me?

Hey! I know it's been a long long time. But I still don't really know what all to write.

So, I'll write about Neil. The past week he's been acting really strange. On Tuesday we did go out and it was really nice to hang out with him and see him. Then Wednesday we didn't talk a lot. Thursday we didn't talk at all and Friday we didn't talk at all either.

Then last night he texts me at approximately 10:45 or probably even later. The conversation starts out the same typical NEIL: "Hey there :]" ME: "Hi." NEIL: "How was your day?" ME: "Good. Got to see and go to lunch with my best friend, Kevin. It was super nice to see him. You?" NEIL: "Mine was good. Went to racquetball then mowed the lawn then work. It was busy and fun." ME: "Cool." NEIL: "Are you okay? You don't seem yourself." (Which is true. Typically I say I lot more and am more conversational. But last night I was aggravated.) ME: "Yeah. I'm just tired. And with a stuffy nose and junk." NEIL: ":( I'm sorry. How can I help?" ME: "You can't." NEIL: ":( I'm sorry" ME: "Meh. No biggie." NEIL: "Lol. Wow you really aren't yourself tonight."

And so then I really shpeal about him hiding from me the fact that his ex girlfriend gave him a ride home from school. Which, for the record, isn't the part that bothers me. What bothers me is the fact that he tried to hide it from me. And his reasoning for being hesitant to tell me was because the last time he mentioned her I "got upset." Which is true, I did, for the simple fact that the entire reason for mentioning her was to tell me that he still loved her. Which, any girl would be upset about.

And then he says how I judge him and how he feels like I get mad because he doesn't spend every waking moment with me or he hangs out with his other friends or goes on dates with other girls. Which, in some respect I do. But it's not the every waking moment, it's just that typically when you're dating and like and tell someone you love them you spend time with them. More than a few hours every 3 weeks. Call me crazy. But maybe the difference is we're not together so he doesn't feel that way. But the thing is that he DOESN'T TELL ME THESE THINGS. It's always wait until Kayli's pissed and says something and then suddenly I'm doing things wrong, too. It's just weird and I'm confused and hurting a bit. But we'll see how it goes. OH! And then toward the end of last night's conversation he says how he feels like a jerk and how he feels like things are really screwed up now. Which I don't feel that way at all. Things aren't irreparable we just need to communicate more and better. It's almost like he's trying to get me to quit trying to talk. Like he's trying to get out of our relationship easily. I don't know exactly what it is...but I don't feel good about it at all.
But we shall see.
OH good grief. :[

Loves loves.

If I should die before I wake it's 'cause you took my breath away... :]

So, school starts tomorrow! :] And I'm pretty excited for the semester to come... It should be fun. Neil, my lover boy(haha,) is going into mechanical engineering and according to him and another friend of mine, engineering students have NO LIFE during the semester... this fact troubles me. So, hopefully, we'll still get to see each other every once in a while. BUT I'm still not going to fret too much. Life is short and I'm still going to date other guys should the opportunity surface. Gotta make sure he's the one ya know?!

Today I finished reading Breaking Dawn for the second time. And I LOVE THAT SERIES!! To me I don't think it gets much sparklier than Edward or any sexy hotter than Jacob. :] BUT I am looking for a new series to become enthralled with. I want to read the last,and maybe even the last two, Harry Potter books before November. Any other suggestions after that would be greatly appreciated! :]]

Loves loves! :]

"My push up bra will help me get my man..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtkU2ch0sRI&videos=AC3b32fKoQs

(copy and paste this address!!)

You must, MUST watch this video. :]Enjoy.

Anyways, last week was fabulous. :] My family came on down from Idaho...and Richfield...and it was just too much fun.!.!.!.!. However, I really just need to learn how to not tell my cousins about my love life, because for three days that's all I heard about. Now, these cousins of mine, K.C., McKay, and Cameron are about the three funniest guys you'll ever be around and they all have the cutest kids on this planet! :]

Now, on to Neil. Night before last the last text I get from him is "I love you hun sleep well" AHHH! :] And so last night I asked him if he meant to say it and he said YES! And of course I said it back!!! :] Holy cow. :]

Loves loves :]

'Cause love only comes once in a while, and knocks on your door and throws you a smile...

:] So there's this song called "If I Knew Then" and it's by Lady Antebellum.... I LOVE IT!!! :]

So, there's this boy. His name is Neil. :] And he makes me smile. Last night we went to dinner and we had a great time...I did NOT even want to leave him. Oh, and he's a VERY good kisser. Just in case you were wondering. Haha. I just LOVE my life right now! Work is going well, ONE MILLION times better than it was FOR SURE! :] My love life is fantastic! ;] And my family life is fabulous as well. I am just a happy camper. :][:

I am SO grateful for the person I am. I'm super thankful for every single trial that I've been able to overcome in my life. I would not be the person I am today without those trials and challenges. I can NOT thank my Heavenly Father enough. I know that I'm FAR FAR FAR from perfect but I'm grateful for the opportunity to repent and to be able to marry my man in the temple. :] Because when you know, you just know. And it's the best, BEST thing, EVER! :]]

Just yesterday I was reading a Facebook post written by a classmate from elementary. It was filled with comments about how "judgementle" (teehee) Mormons are. And they were saying how glad they were that they are able to think for themselves. And how they could think for themselves and they aren't "naive" enough to believe in any religious jargon and blah, blah, blah. And I just can't help but think HOW JUDGMENTAL ARE YOU BEING?!?! I mean, can you say HYPOCRISY?! And I can see their point, in some ways. I'm sorry for those people who can't see past race or clothing or hairstyles or whatever to be able to get to know who people really are. But this whole generalization of how "judgementle" Mormons are and how brainwashed every single person who believes in the church is. And I just want to say to them that the EXACT same things you hate about people who judge you are the same as why YOU judge that people/person. Every single person in the world is guilty of judging another for some reason or another. And I can agree with the speculation that some people just are incredibly judgmental, but I also believe that we are ALL human. NO ONE is perfect! But we all are ourselves, there are still SO many things that we need to overcome as a society. But ya know, they were fighting the same fight we are today since way back when Christ was on the earth. There's not going to be a day when we're all going to be able to agree on everything. That's the beauty of agency. I think that if Satan's plan was the one we were living right now, there'd still be complaining. It's how we work. But as for me, I'm going to strive to be the best person I can be and worry about me and my own. Because the only person I'm EVER going to be accountable for 100% is me. And I can't waste my life away worrying about what every other person on this earth thinks of me. Because in my eyes there's only one judgment time I need to worry about. And I can't be more grateful that I'm so naive and brainwashed to truly believe that. HA!

Loves loves. :]

20 years old, man...and still young!!!

Okay, so maybe 20 isn't as close to be being 250 like dude Crush in Finding Nemo. But it served its purpose. :]

Anyways, at this moment I'm typing it's 2355 (11:55 PM in non military time. :]). Exactly five more minutes left of my twentieth birthday day. Haha. And it was a great day! :] Even though I had to work I got a goodnight/birthday kiss. And it was a kiss from a man whom is a candidate in the running toward becoming my eternal companion. We'll hope this goes well for sure! :]

Loves loves! :]

Never has a kiss been so sweet...

So, yeah. On Tuesday night, I think...or Monday...but I'm pretty sure it was Tuesday... Anyways, I met my good friend Neil at the Matheson track to walk around. :] At the end of the walk and talk he kissed me... :] Probably THE best kiss of my life. Although, he wants to take this super slow, which I don't blame him. I want to, too. That way I hopefully can't manage to ruin it. So, I probably won't get to kiss him again very soon...but it's totally worth the wait. We seriously have not known each other for very long...but nothing has ever felt so right and amazing and I am just thoroughly twitterpated. :] The best part of this?! He's on the exact same page as me. LOVE IT! :] So, that's part of the details. More to follow. :]

Loves loves. :]

If this is love....

Then I DO NOT want it to end!!!
I repeat I DO NOT want it to end!! :]

Loves loves. :]

Do you want me? Do you not? Does it feel cold, baby? Does it feel hot? :]

Well, it's been a while since I've written an entry... and believe me I've meant to. Unfortunately, the times I had time to write I didn't know what to say. And then there were the times I had something to write but didn't have any time. Ugh, complications. Haha.

Well it's been an up and down month. On the fifth we left on vacation to Florida where we went to DisneyWorld! :] It was a fun and hectic trip, but TOTALLY worth the time away from work. Luckily on the fourth, the day before I left, my district manager came in and I had a nice talk with him and Nancy and got a bunch of things off my chest and I believe that they sure were resolved. Work has never been better, and plus I think that I sincerely needed that vacation.

This week has been especially FANTASTIC. I made a new friend, his name is Neil. And OH MY GOODNESS! :D I do believe I've never had a friendship develop so quickly and into such a strong one. He's made my week excellent. I'm definitely looking forward from here (Don't fuss, I'll keep you in the loop :]). :] Well...it's now one of those points where I don't really know what else to say. But, I will for sure not go so long without posting again, no worries. :]

Loves loves. :]

You don't know what you got, 'til you're missing it a lot. I had to go throw it away...

Well, the past few weeks have been great and weird and depressed moody all at the same time. I've been feeling lonely...which is weird. But it's how it is. I've also felt somewhat empty. My Mom's been getting quite a bit of work and I've actually enjoyed helping her, tonight was an exception because I didn't do the greatest job helping her. I guess, retardedly, I'm just tired. So why I'm still awake now and instead of in bed, where I know I should be, but still here at the computer I sit. I sit. I guess for lack of a better term I've felt somewhat empty... I'm not one hundred percent sure why, but I do. I'm certain it has something to do with the fact that I haven't been to church in a couple weeks...and won't be until the second Sunday of June. I wasn't there the 23rd because of my stupid job. I wasn't there Sunday the 30th because my family and I went down to Richfield for Memorial Day...so instead of being in church I was at the Richfield Cemetery for 2 hours and immediately after was the Monroe Cemetery for an additional 2 hours and got the sunburn of my life on my chest and it hurts like a monkey.

I am getting so sick of the people I work with I could puke, and here's why. Well, the most recent chunk of what's been building up. Anyways, on Friday I found out that Shanna was going to get Saturday the 29th off to make up for hours that she'd be working on Monday the 31st, which is totally fine, were it not for the fact that she didn't work on Thursday therefore making it so she didn't go over hours and wouldn't need Saturday off. You see, at my work we get 2 days off a week. The pay period starts on Thursday and ends on the following Wednesday. And when a holiday lands on your day off you need to have another day off. I.E. Memorial Day, always lands on a Monday. Monday's are Nancy's day off. So she had to have today off, another day off in the same pay period, to make it so she didn't go over hours. And recently Shanna has acquired Mondays off as well, to accommodate Nancy's being busy on Thursdays now due to the doctor coming in for five appointments in the morning, anyways that's beside the point. So, Shanna needed another day off in the same pay period, right? Right. And she didn't work Thursday, correct? Yes. So, I now ask WHY does she need another day off? She's already had here other day off, right? So, if she doesn't work Saturday then she'll be short on hours, correct? Yes, yes, yes, YES! Okay, so I'm not upset she's going to be short on hours, that doesn't affect me. What bothers me to NO END is the fact that they both dismiss my comments and treat me like I'm some 20 year-old know-nothing twit. And it's infuriating. I'm not stupid. I do, in fact, know what I'm talking about and you do not need to treat me like I'm some sort of retard. Nancy, did you not hire me? Did you not trust my judgment? So, why the ignorance now? I'd like to see your face once I tell you bye-bye and Shanna winds up being a gigantic pain in your ass. A pain in the ass who lies to your face and who steals from your company. I just do not trust her. I don't trust you, Nancy and I need to find a new job NOW!
Ugh, I'm so aggravated and tired and just DONE with it all.

Loves loves. :]

It's like zero gravity...

Just in case you are wondering, yes. Yes, I do title my blogs after lines of songs I'm listening to at the time of typing. :] So, now that's been clarified... I've decided that I really do like my job but I just can't take the gals I work with. Shanna, once again didn't clock out today when she went to go and pick up her husband. I understand that you're probably under a ton of stress with your son being in the hospital. But to me it sounds like he's doing well and he's awake and alert and not in trouble of something going wrong. So, focus on your job and be honest. Nancy, just two weeks ago we were on a three way with Guy and you chewed me a new one about how badly I treat you and how I never do what you ask and how I always do what you tell me not to do and about how crappy of a worker I am and blah, blah, blah. Well I find it funny how after said reaming you act like nothing's wrong. And it bugs me, I just can't work with someone who I can't trust. And I honestly feel like I can't trust you. I wish things were different, but you've made them this way. I'm super sorry that things like this are happening but I just can't deal with it for much longer.

Well the search for new employment isn't as easy as I would've hoped but I just hope I can find something as soon as possible. This week hasn't been as bad because Shanna has been out with her son's surgery, but next week it looks like it's all going back to normal so we'll see how things go.

Unfortunately this is the most eventful my life's been the past couple of weeks. I know, I'm lame. But it's me. So I guess I'll just have to survive. :]

Oh, and I have to shpeal a bit about that little boy, Ethan Stacy. I'm just so saddened by what happened to him. I pray that he wasn't in too much pain, for too long. And I also hope that Nathan Sloop dies in the same sort of way that the one guy did in the first part of "Law Abiding Citizen" where he can feel all the pain in the world. (If you don't know that scene it's probably a good thing. It's quite icky. But a sufficient expression of the pain that man deserves to feel.) Now, I realize that he will meet his maker and be punished justly but I just can't help but feel like he deserves to suffer. And that conniving beastly mother of his deserves to be beaten as well. I hope she rots in jail and writhes in the guilt she deserves to feel. I also feel so much for Joe Stacy, Ethan's biological father, whom, I can't even imagine, is probably feeling so much grief. My thoughts and prayers are with his family and friends in hopes that they can feel of our Savior's love and know that Ethan is in the arms of his loving Heavenly Father. I can't help but tear up at the thought of what that little boy went through.

Well, that's basically all I can think of at the moment.

Loves loves. :]

You can fool anyone but I've got eyes to see...

So the past week or so has been kind of hard. I've decided I really just need a new job. I'm not a big fan of how the people at my company treat me and I'm not for people cheating on their time clock, yes Shanna I did see that you faked clocking out when you went to pick up your husband and it was confirmed to me that you didn't because when you went to "clock back in" there was NO entry showing you clocked OUT! You're a liar and a cheater and I can't stand you. Nancy, you need to grow some balls and tell me if there's something I need to fix. I've hated getting chewed out by Guy because you don't have the guts to tell me yourself. Guy, you're a complete and utter ass. You have no heart, you're all business and don't consider people's feelings. And quite frankly the things you chewed me out for the other day are NOT all my fault. The one guy's a freaking sh*thead and complete and utter ass just like you. He's blowing things SO far out of proportion and wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. To me it's HIS fault things didn't get taken care of because he wouldn't let me say one damn thing. The company's policies are just a little stupid, too. Wow kill me for adding a warranty for that man and him PAYING for a new lens and a new frame. I didn't call you because I knew you were just going to say yes anyways and I figured I'd save you the pain of having to call me when you're oh so completely busy in Detroit. My bad. Won't happen again. But then again I REALLY don't think it's going to happen again because I'm done with your company and it's employees.

Ah. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.
Oh and then plus my little sister is in a fight with her best friend and she's a conniving piece of work. Her Mom and sister, too. Sure both parties are at fault. But honestly it's her(the best friend) who's the issue. Sure, I'm a little biased but I still try to be as fair as possible. Dry sarcasm is something my family doesn't really do. And just because our families are different and act different doesn't mean that you have to be offended at these stupid little things. When you look for the bad in someone you're going to find it. And that's where it's hurting you. If you'd look for the better I think your attitude would be one million times better. Oh man. It's like dejavu(sp??) of my senior year stupid stupid stupid fights that ruined close close friendships. That's part of the reason I hate seeing this because I know of the damage stupid things like this can cause and it's near irreparable. And I don't want to see her like I was. Because I know how much it hurts and I know how awkward it is and I think this just needs to be resolved as soon as possible. Because if it doesn't I'm just gonna have to go over and kick some ask. :]

Loves loves. :]

And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times...

I just realized how grammatically incorrect "kissed your lips A THOUSAND times" is... shouldn't it be "one thousand" Hmmm, Oh well.

Well most precious people who are reading this... I'm sorry I'm such a bore. That's how eventful my life is right now...I just notice grammatical errors...and I probably make grammatical errors of my own. Oh well.:]

So, I was feeling snoopy on Facebook the other day and I've seen this guy at the Empress a few times, the first he was in Seven Brides For Seven Brothers...and i've seen him in the Jester's Royale thereafter. And I've always thought he was cute...so I decided to see if he was on Facebook..well he is. And it also turns out that he also has a blog. So me being in my snoopy mood I decided to go and look at it and I found on one of his posts he'd written a list of one hundred things that bug him... some of them I agreed with, but others I was simply offended by. Haha. How could he sincerely NOT like these things, I mean it left me mind-boggled a bit. Like his
"12. She's The Man"... HOW can you hate She's The Man?! I mean REALLY!
"18. Picture Texts" I mean honestly child, how can you hate picture texts?!
"42. Owl City and that stupid "Fireflies" song." Wow, have you got no soul!?!
"69. Nickelback." Blasphemy. Honest to goodness, blasphemy.
"71. Marshmallow Peeps." I have no response to this INSANE-NESS!
"83. The insane popularity of Twilight." You're just jealous you're not that liked!
"100. Dating." Now this one I can understand. ;]
It's a good thing he didn't diss GLEE. Or Law and Order: SVU. Or we'd have some sincere issues!! Haha.

Loves loves. :]

I've been alone with you inside my mind...

I have officially decided that my bizarre need to write a blog when I really should be in bed is just fun. And it's sometimes is going to be the only time I remember that I need to write something. Well this week's been crazy. Nancy's been on vacation and will be back on Saturday. Shanna and I have gotten along pretty well. And thankfully we haven't had to work together a lot. There's been a TON of stuff we've needed to get done and while I've been trying to keep our little corner from looking like a pigsty she's been busy helping a few customers, texting her husband and making personal phone calls. Yup, while at work. And yes, while there have been customer's in the store. And NO I'm not joking. But I'm not really in the mood to start ranting and raving about the things that are just absolutely driving me insane with her because it will take you a good 20 minutes to read this particular entry. And I just am not completely in the mood to write a novel. But trust me I have PLENTY to say. Maybe I'll include a few spurts here and there in the next few blog entries... maybe. :]

Well GLEE started again this week and I just LOVE IT!!!! Oh, and I've also fallen in love with the song that Jesse, the lead male in vocal adrenaline, and Rachel sing in the music store (which I first thought was a library, and was incredibly confused as to why there was a piano in the middle of the aisles and people who clapped when they finished their little performance. OOPS, I then realized I was mistaken in my initial thought that it was a library. Haha.) Which is "Hello" by Lionel Richie. LOVE IT!!!

Cars are a PAIN IN MY BUTT!! First my seat belt has been going crazy. It's one of those track shoulder belts that moves every time you open/shut the door. Well before last week it just had its fits were it wouldn't go back all of the way so I'd have to pull it back. Then there were times it wouldn't go forward so I'd have to climb out from underneath it. And this had been going on for a couple weeks now. Then this past week it just hasn't worked. It just won't go back. And there's not one prayer in heaven that I could pull it back. And that lasted for approximately 5 days then just the day before yesterday it moved part of the way. Leaving this extremely greasy cord thing hanging out all of the time that I'd have to play limbo with while getting in and out of my car. All the while the seat belt just sat there. So today my wonderful Papa cut that stupid little cord and now I can just pull the seat belt back into position and forward as needed. LOVE IT! OH and then when my Dad gets home he tells me that I basically have a flat right rear tire. Which I did notice it was a bit low a couple days ago, but I just hadn't actually looked at it yet, and hadn't mentioned it to my Dad. So he used our compressor to fill it up with the air needed and now I get to go to Les Schwab in the morning and get it fixed. OH JOY! Just what I wanted to do before I get to work. Ai yai yai!

I also got meh herr done today so it's shorter and BLONDE...well mostly blonde. I guess it's more like heavily weaved. But it looks SO much better than it did before. And it had been begging me for a haircut for a couple months now. So I listened to it's request. And I'm incredibly happy with it. I mean 78 bucks later I better be happy with it! I mean really.

Well it's probably and definitely a good thing I didn't include my rants about Shanna in this or else you'd REALLY hate me. :] And this entry would be about twenty times longer than it already is. I mean it's taken me about 15 minutes to write it. I can't imagine how long it'd take to read it. So if you're reading this far, thanks. I'm sorry my life is boring and I rant about stupid things but I've got no other life so I'm totally okay with it. :]

Oh and I'm sorry but I must rant about this one thing. I have decided lately that I'm just going to plan on being single for the rest of my life. But I also feel like I think that way because I really feel much too young to be thinking about marriage. And it helps me to know that just because I'm not married by the time I'm 19 I'm still okay. When I watch tv like, Say Yes To The Dress (which I LOVE by the way) I see ladies back there that are at least 5-10 years older than me and are just getting married and just starting a family. I've come to realize that it's okay if I'm not married real real soon. If it's going to happen it's going to happen. And I've totally learned to trust that lesson learned. I've learned to trust more that the Lord has a plan for me. And if I was supposed to be married by 19 I'd have been married by now. But obviously that's not the way it's supposed to be. And I'm not going to let it drive me crazy by being single. Being single is a good thing. It's given me an opportunity to discover things that I want to do. And some of these things I want to do would be especially hard with a family. A few of the things on this list of things I want to do are:
*travel with a couple friends to Las Vegas for the NASCAR race down there.
*drive myself up to Yellowstone and spend a couple days up there.
*move into my own apartment.
*buy my own car (and actually be able to afford it.)
*buy my own couch (I know that probably seems silly but it's just one of those things that I've just died to do... Laugh if you want. It actually makes me giggle too.)
*expand my dvd collection
*buy my own plates and silverware...(Another one of those silly things I've always died to do. :] )

And that's the few I can think of at the moment. There are many more that find their way into my brain every once and a while... I just can't think of any at the moment. :]
I'm sorry this entry is so stinking long. But thanks for reading. :]

Loves loves. :]

I think it's time to try defying gravity...

Well hola! :] What a lovely Wednesday night. Today the weather was beautiful. I got to work today from 10-3:15. I was only supposed to work until 2 but it was SUPER insane. I felt bad for leaving Shanna alone. And I hope it wasn't too hectic for her after I left. Because I know what it's like to be alone and overwhelmed and I know how insane it can get. Plus she has to work all day tomorrow alone. I don't envy her that's for sure. But I do thank her for taking the day to work so I could have the day off. I need to go to my class to turn in my paper but to also work on our group presentation. Plus I get to go to the dentist to get two stupid fetching in-between the teether cavities filled. BAH! I really do floss! I swear I do. But apparently not well enough. Stupid. How joyful it'll be to be numb tomorrow...HA! I better remember my iPod or I think I might die from the disgusting squeal of the drill. Ugh. It absolutely makes me cringe. I'd take being numb in my entire mouth and cheeks for three days in a row over having to endure the squealing drill. Blech!!

I discovered tonight "Defying Gravity" sung by Kurt and Rachel of Glee and I simply must say that I'M IN LOOOOOOVE!! I've probably listened to this song 50 times... I LOVE it!!! Great music, great lyrics, and two fantastic people singing it. Man, if I had her lungs I'd be in heaven! :]

Whelp. Nancy's on vacation and won't be back until Saturday the 17th. So it's just Shanna and me. Just the two of us and it's bizarre. Nancy gave her SO many more hours. And I mean we REALLY do NOT need to work together so much. She drives me crazy. And I'm probably just as annoying to her. Which is fine with me. :] And as hard as it may be to believe I just really don't feel like saying much more tonight. But I'll post again soon.

Loves loves. :]

Whether with a thousand players or a lonely cast of one...

Well this week has been a good one I'd say. Got to have the day off due to hours today. AND I get tomorrow off. Which I'm rather excited about, especially since my little sister Lisa will be home. Dang that snow. I mean REALLY I was planning on being nice to my dog and taking her out for a walk while getting myself some exercise.

I have decided that I need to change my eating and work out habits. The work out habits especially, because for the last real long time, I have had no sort of work out regimen or any drive to get off my butt. But now we are GOING to change that.

I've said since high school that attitude is everything. And I truly believe that fully. If you have the attitude that you can't to do anything you really won't be able to do anything. If your telling yourself that you're going to go nowhere in life you will go nowhere. If you keep telling yourself that you can you're going to find that you really can. And there's where I'm changing my attitude about working out. I will find a way.

Yes there are certain things that I absolutely hate to do. RUNNING is one of them. I HATE running. My chest goes up and down like nobody's business and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable and self-conscious. Plus I, and I'm sorry this is a little bit of tmi, but I can hold in my pee as well as a woman who's had 5 children. And anything rigorous or something stupid like jumping up and down, doing jumping jacks, and even jump roping. And it just BUGS me. I HATE feeling like an old granny who can't make it to the freaking bathroom in time. So, I've done my darndest to keep from running no matter what. Well I'm hoping that I can change that. We'll see. Since it snowed today I couldn't try it out, but I will. Soon I hope.

I'm sorry for the lameness nature of this blog but I just can't really think of a ton to write about.

OH! But I did buy a book today about marriage and stuff from Seagull Book and a talk on CD from this one Mary lady addressing single people. AND and orange chocolate truffle. Needless to say I've already enjoyed my truffle. :] Oh, and I must add that there is this boy in my writing class and he is just TOO cute. I think I've decided that I want to try to buddy up with him a little bit more.... because he is too cute and single and RM to pass by! :]]

Loves loves!

Come what may and love it!

Yes, dear friends. I have changed the name of my blog to fit my motto for the year. I've come to realize that I haven't exactly been the best person I can be. And after a few realizations and events that have taken place I find the drive to actually DO something. This is something I've never felt before...it's also something I've been praying to feel for quite some time. And I'm excited to get my life going in a good direction. I want to be a better person. I want to get rid of some old habits while creating new ones. I want to do good things with my life. Make a difference somehow. I want a better future for myself. And I find myself thinking that I could do whatever I set my mind do. This is also a new feeling to me. I mean, I guess I've always known I could but as I've thought about it; I've always bs'd my through things. Through school, for an example, I never applied myself I only stuck with what felt safe and comfortable to me. I never have gone outside the box. I've been lazy and relied on food and tv to get me through the day. Well NOT anymore. I will be the best Kayli I can be and I know that when I do it will be enough. It has to be enough.

Pardon me for my lack of excitement but I'm not entirely thrilled...

Why hello. :] It's been a while I realize. Sorry. It has been a crazy past couple of weeks. The weekend after Valentine's day my family and I took a quick one day trip to St. George to visit my ailing Grandpa. The Thursday after the Thursday after that I flew up to Boise (paid by my company) to go and work this expo we were having at the Boise store. After working approximately 35 hours in 3 days I fly home on Sunday night. Well during my little business trip, Friday March 5th to be exact, I got a call from my Mom telling me that my Grandpa had passed away. And I am so sad to see him go. Thank heaven for the knowledge of eternal families and the knowledge that I will see my Grandpa again.

Merrill Don Christensen was my Fathers, Father. He was born June 9th 1937 and passed away at approximately 3:00 AM on Friday March 5th 2010. He is the only Grandpa that I've really had a relationship with. Well, we didn't really have that close of a relationship but he has been in my life so much more than Charlie (my Mom's Father, which in all fairness to my wonderful mother is NOT her fault. And because of the choices he's made in his life I really have no interest in having a relationship with him.)
I loved my Grandpa very very much. He was always a quiet loving man and was a diabetic. Lisa and I would always love to go and watch him check his blood sugar and administer his insulin to himself. It was actually quite fascinating and he never would mind. Since My Grandma and Grandpa Christensen lived in St. George we didn't really get to see them very often. With the exception of Thanksgiving. We'd always go down to St. George for Thanksgiving and enjoy beautiful meals. Getting together with that side of the family was always enjoyable. No matter the little, meaningless, tiffs that we'd have we'd always seem to make it good times together.
Because of some of the events of the past weeks it's caused me to evaluate my life and where I'm at.
I will admit that I'm still not entirely happy with where I am but can now realize that there are worse places I could be.

I have the greatest parents in the world. I love them more than anything. Even though I can be stubborn and a sure pain in the butt for them sometimes they still love me unconditionally, and I couldn't be more grateful for their example. Or more grateful that I've been raised in the Gospel.

I've been having a tough time the past couple of months, and this is something I've never had to struggle with. I've never had my faith shaken or questions pop up in my mind about things that I really just don't even care to know about. There are questions that have come to mind and doubts that had been placed there and I've seen the power of Satan. He is a beast and I don't like him at all. I'm sorry, but he is a monster. I've seen, probably more now than ever before, just how he gets to you. It all starts with just this tiny sliver of doubt in your mind and then once he's there he'll find ways to clearly shake you even further. And the realization of this scares me SO much. I hate the thought that just because of the tiniest sliver of doubt it can grow into a full on fall from Christ. And I refuse to let myself get to that point. I don't think so dude. I will NOT be a vulnerable fool who lets you in for two seconds. I know now more than ever how true the church is. I don't care who you are but I KNOW that it is. And I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have that knowledge for themselves but your day will come. I've seen the power of the Lord, and the strength he gives me is stronger than any sliver of doubt that can ever be put into my mind.
I chose to come to this earth to be a good person, to grow and to learn, to become a wife and a mother and to grow close to the Lord. I chose to come and face the trials that I've faced and I know that there are so many more to come. But I can take it. With the strength my faith gives me and the power of prayer I will not fall, I will succeed and I will prevail and I will be with my Heavenly Father again. I will walk with my Savior, Jesus Christ who died for me; who shed so many drops of blood for my sins. I can't ever repay him but I can do my best. And try to be the best person I know I can be and hope that's enough.

I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not afraid.

Hello there blogging community and world wide web. And even the few, few people who actually read this blog here. I figured I just leave a small post today, seeing as I've been slacking the past few weeks. Nothing much has been going on lately that's new. Just the usual. Sucking and school, work, and sucking at being a daughter and sister. I try to be good, but I just hurt people when I really really don't mean to.
Work's been good I suppose. It's super nice to have Shanna around because yesterday Nancy and I would have died being alone. Luckily we survived. :]
Last Sunday was the Daytona 500 and I'm happy that Jamie McMurray won. Yes, yes I would've preferred my baby, Jeff Gordon #24 for those of you that for some reason did not know, winning. But I'm SO happy that JJ did not finish. 1st race of the season and he got a dnf. HAHA!
I've almost officially decided that I will end up an old ornery woman who's lonely and who hates people. Which I hope that I do not...but for some reason I just can't help but not feel worthy of anything happy, because I find myself feeling like I don't deserve happiness. I don't exactly know why, but I don't.
Oh well...I guess if I want to change things, I'm going to have to change them.
I've also found myself not happy with where I am right now. I have half a mind to not take any classes anymore and just go flip burgers at In and Out Burger. But I know I must continue on and I WILL be where I want to be in life one day. I'm still not there and not exactly sure what's going to make me happy. But I will figure it out. :]

Loves loves. :]

Sweet dreams are made of these, who am I to disagree?

Well this week has been an interesting one. That's for sure for sure. My car was broken into, yet again, on Wednesday and the stupid guy stole my backpack. Freakin douche. Stop stealing my crap and go get your own damn money. It irks me that this is the second time in about 2 1/2 months and I'm pretty dang sure it's the same stupid guy. Grrr. There are a couple more things going on at work that I don't intend on discussing with anyone because I just don't really want to. And yes, It's probably not the best idea to do so because I always hold it all back and then burst at the wrong person. Which I'm very sorry for but I have my neurotic moments and lately there have been a bunch of them.
Especially with Riley's passing, things have just been a little bit too sad and melancholy. Even though Riley and I weren't the best of friends he was still just such a great friend. And why he thought there was no way for things to get better than just to get out is so sad and I'll never ever understand it. I mean, I do have somewhat of an idea of where he's coming from because I've had my own share of suicidal thoughts in my time and most of those thoughts were less than 2 years ago and even still lately. I could never, never act on those thoughts, but I know what it feels like to be low. And down on yourself and feel alone.
I just can not express how much I know that leaning towards the gospel, although I am far, far, far from perfect in every single way, I know that without the gospel and the church being my lifeline and knowing that it'll all be worth it keeps me alive. And knowing that the Lord loves me and knows me personally and has testified to me, through terrific people, that he's watching over me and knows what I need and how to help me. And I can't express my gratitude for my knowledge of that enough.
I can't even imagine what the Jenkins' family is feeling but I pray for them every day. If it was my sister who thought that there was absolutely no where else to turn and I was in their position right now I don't know how I would survive. Especially without the love of my Savior, my family, my ward family and friends.

Well it's time for bed now. Go Colts tomorrow at the Superbowl and I can't wait for next Sunday because it's the official start of the 2010 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series with the Daytona 500!! I'm SO excited! :]

Loves loves. :]

Random Kayli facts...

Well I have decided that since nothing much that is special or exciting is going on in my life I figured I'd share a few random facts that not a lot of people know about me...and some of these facts I probably have told some people, and some are just "we already knew that about you Kayli" things. :]

• I love Cafe Rio. It's so stinking nummy! Two chicken enchiladas, mild sauce, pinto beans, and rice, with lettuce it my favorite.
• I've been finding lately that I like to read....not a ton....but I quite enjoy it...sometimes.
• I am a clutz. I burn myself, I trip over flat surfaces, I bump into things, I stab myself with jewelers screwdrivers. Just a TON of stupid things.
• I'm very forgetful...if you want me to remember it you must write it on a post-it note and stick it to my forehead and then remind me to actually read it.
  
• I LOVE Jeff Gordon. He is my most favorite NASCAR driver ever!
  
• I love NASCAR.
• I love open wheel racing.
• I love to play with cars.
• I have a secret desire to become a mechanic. Cars excite me.
• I want to find my Edward.
• I love looking at pictures. They bring back great memories and make me smile.
• I LOVE milk.
• I have a strong passion for music.
  
• I love all types of music from country to rock and classical to opera.
• One of these days I WILL go to Hawaii and just relax my butt under an umbrella and just soak up the beauty of the beach and the ocean.
• I love cute quotes.
• My Dad is one of my most favorite people in the world. Even though he has his ornery days I still love being around him and taking shopping trips to Lowe's and help him build things.
  
• My Mom is the strongest, best person and friend I have. She'll always set me straight. And no matter how obstinate I am I still love and respect her more than she'll ever know.
• I love technology. Computers are stinking awesome.
  
• I have a love for playing solitaire. Not just on the computer, but with real cards. My Great Uncle Clark would sit at the bar at his place and I'd sit there for an hour or so just watching him. He's the one who taught me how to play.
• I love to sing and dance in the car.
• I'm very picky about things. I don't like things to be messy, even though you would never be able to tell from the mess of a room I have. But it's an organized mess, I think. ;]
• I want so badly to have nice handwriting. I'd love to do calligraphy and I even have a practice kit from 7th grade.
• I love movies.
• I love to sit in silence....sometimes. But then after not too long I get bored and sing to myself. It's awesome. ;] Haha!

Well that's all I can really think of for now...maybe we'll do another session like this later. Haha.

Loves loves. :]

In loving memory of Riley Doyle Jenkins 7/10/1990-1/19/2010

On Tuesday January 19th 2010 a friend I've known for nearly 14 years now passed away. Now the real reason of how he passed is unknown to everyone but Christ, Riley, and his family. I've listed the lyrics to a really great song by Rascal Flatts called "Why" and it says everything. It's been a hard week and it's just one of those things that you just can't seem to wrap your head around. And it's so sad. This kid was two days older than me. He's always been such a great great great friend. And his death is so tragic. I've never been more thankful, and thoughtful, about how grateful I am for eternal families. I know that if I didn't have that knowledge I couldn't get through the day. But thanks to my religion I KNOW that life doesn't end here on this earth, families are forever, and the repentance was made possible through Christ's sacrifice. I can not express how bad I feel for Riley's family and how much he will be missed. I love you SO much Riley and I can't wait to play basketball in heaven...even though you'll kick my butt. Love ya Riley. :]

Rascal Flatts "Why"...
It must of been in a place so dark, you couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little home town
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh why that's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, god only knows
What went wrong and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Rounding third to score the winning run
You always played with passion no matter what the game
When you took the stage you shined just like the sun

Oh why that's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done
Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song
Yeah yeah yeah

Now the oak trees are swayin' in the early autumn breeze
The golden sun is shining on my face
The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that bad a place

Oh why there's no comprehending
And who am I to try to judge or explain
Oh but I do have one burning question
Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?
They were wrong
They lied
And now you're gone
And we cried

Cause It's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song

Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song

White lines and red lights...

So there's this song my wonderful friend Cherish introduced me to. It's called "White lines and red lights" by Between the Trees. And I must say that I love the lyrics and the lead singers voice is absolutely gorgeous. :] I've decided to post the lyrics because they are my favorite. :]

Late night, driving home together
And at red lights we press our lips together
And we're holding tight now
Slow it down now
Let's take our time
Let the moment last
Until it feels right
Holding back
And not getting to carried away
Let the music fade

Cause you are the brightest star
I'm in love with who you are
And you are the brightest star
I'm lost without your love

We are in each others arms
Just like a movie scene
Cause as we're leaning in
The light decides to turn green
Me and you together
This is getting better
Just butterflies won't do
I don't want just red lights
I want more of these nights
Baby I love you

Cause you are the brightest star
I'm in love with who you are
And you are the brightest star
I'm lost without your love

You and me is what matters most
It's not the intimacy that brings me
Closer to you...

And I just think they are awesome lyrics. Maybe that's just me. But I love the song.

I wish more eventful things were happening in life right now...but they're not. BLAH!! Just a boring college student. I guess that's life, eh? It's crazy how you can feel so alone without being alone. And I know it's pathetic because having a guy doesn't make you complete...but if only there was someone there to talk to who could could understand where I'm at in life and tell me that it's going to be okay and actually be able to believe what they're saying is true. Right now it seems like there are not a lot of friends for me to talk to right now. Which I know is probably a ridiculous thing to say, but it's how it feels sometimes. And it's probably just me being pathetic, which is what has been known to happen. Oh well. I guess things will get better in its own time. At least it better, or I might have to hit someone. Haha.

Loves loves.

I'm woven in a fantasy, I can't believe the things I see. The path that I have chosen now has led me to a wall...

Hello Wednesday! At 8:50 this morning I finished my 3rd day of the semester and this math professor of mine is going to be...interesting. I hope I can grasp it. I pray I can.

Only five more hours of work until my day off. I'm excited! Just had to share that. :]

So at work we had this lady, we call her the haggard lady...you'll see why. Anyways, she came in and got an exam from Dr. Shosted, our newest doctor, and got gas permeable contacts. Which, to say the least, are hard to fit on people. The way it works is gas perms are a hard contact. And each contact is specially measured and made specifically for one person. They do not make gas perms in bulk and keep 'em in a shop. They each have to be special ordered from a specialty lab and fitted to a person. Well practically every time they are going to have to be remade because it doesn't fit the eye ideally. Whether it be the curvature of the lens is too flat, too steep, the contact isn't wide enough or it's too wide. Stuff like that. So contact lens follow up appointments are absolutely crucial!

Well the haggard lady got the exam, ordered the contacts, tried them but NEVER got back to us to schedule a contact lens follow up. And she picked them up over a month ago. Well her Mom calls me and says how she can't see out of the contacts and blah blah blah. Anyways, we schedule a contact lens follow up. The day of she cancels because of something stupid. She calls again a couple days later and schedules another appointment with Dr. Shosted, who only comes in on Wednesdays. So the haggard lady calls me about 15 minutes before her appointment.
Our phone conversation involved her screaming at me about how incompetent Dr. Shosted is and how she's NEVER had problems before. She also complained about Dr. Shosted not doing what's called a "Phorias" on her, which tests the muscles in your eyes. But she thought that measured the astigmatism...which it doesn't. So she demanded seeing the other doctor, Dr. Peirce, and told me she didn't want to see Dr. Shosted at all. And so I told her that if she wanted to see a different doctor it would cost her $110, the cost of a new gas permeable contact lens appointment. She flipped out at me. Saying how she was going to sue the company for an incompetent doctor and blah blah blah.
Okay. So if you go to the doctor for a cold. The cold medicine doesn't work and you want to see a different doctor you're going to have to pay another copay, correct?! This is the EXACT same thing. Dr. Peirce and Dr. Shosted are in no way affiliated, with the exception of working for JCPenney part time. If you want to see Dr. Peirce you're going to have to pay. End of story. I will NOT order contacts until you pay. You will get a bill and if you don't respond it will go to collections. I don't think that anyone would want that.

Anyways, she still was throwing a fit. And so she says to just make her an appointment with Dr. Peirce on Saturday at 4. So I do. And SHE CANCELS IT 20 minutes before!! Then makes another appointment for Tuesday, January 12th at 5:00 PM. Which she shows up to. And thankfully Nancy was there because I wouldn't have been so nice to her. Haha. Anyways she goes in and her Dad just brings us into their family drama. Which is none of my business. I don't care...OH AND she steals my lighter that I let her "borrow" WTH woman?! Anyways, Dr. Peirce decides not to charge her. Which is fine, but I can't tell her ahead of time because that's Dr. Peirce's choice, not mine. So she leaves. And as we're looking at the two charts, one from Dr. Shosted and the new one from Dr. Peirce, things just weren't adding up. Dr. Shosted did a PERFECT eyeglass prescription, so it doesn't make sense that the contacts are working SO horribly. If anything the fit should be bad, not the ability to see out of them. So we decide to put the contact on the lensometer to check the prescription. And guess what, oh but before I tell you the real kicker of the story she also lost her "left contact". So okay after looking at the prescription we find that SHE switched the lenses. Put the right contact in her left eye and put the left contact in her right eye. THAT'S WHY YOU COULDN'T SEE MORON! Because YOU didn't pay attention to the identification dot on the RIGHT lens SWITCHED the lenses and tried to blame everything on Dr. Shosted.

So in all reality, she switched the lenses. Lost the RIGHT lens and now we're going to change the curvature of the lens and order a new RIGHT lens and she has to pay for it.
BAH!
The thing of it is, this woman and her mother have been wacky, old haggard, ornery, crack heads. That have been no less than a pain in our butts. Goodness gracious. I hope that these two ladies are the most psycho I have to deal with. For real.

Other than the old haggard lady, things are going well. For the most part. Boy junk has been on my mind a lot lately. And that's driving me insane. I hate looking the mirror...hopefully we can change that this year though. :]]

I had a funny stor....OH! I remember. Yesterday was the first day for my English 1010 class, and there were these two asian ladies and as the professor was calling role and she called the name "Hannah" which was one of these two asian ladies...then immediately after the professor called out "Bing Bing" which was the other asian lady. And well Hannah leaned over to Bing Bing and said "That's funny" And laughed! And I could not help but laugh! Just because your name is "Hannah", which I don't think is your real name young lady, and Bing Bing doesn't go by some fake american name like, Denise or something, doesn't give you the right to LAUGH at her! Haha. I cracked up. I think that's the funniest thing ever! :]

Loves loves!

Reach for the stars, even if you have to stand on a cactus!

Well, my Sunday is officially over. I feel like today has FLOWN, literally, flown by. And now there's another 3 whole days until my next day off. Tomorrow marks the beginning of a new semester and I think I might die. I'm still not too sure that taking a class at 8 am every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday is such a great idea...if only parking were easier and I didn't have to work at 10 on Monday mornings. I hope I can adjust well and that I don't wear myself out.

And may I say that being a poor college student is no fun at all! I am so grateful I have a job, though. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to take any classes at all and my education would have stopped at high school.

I love cute quotes. They're my favorite. Like "Happiness is being married to your best friend" or "The road is bright before us, as hand in hand we start. We'll travel on together, one mind, one soul, one heart." or even...."My love for you is a journey; starting at forever and ending at never." Say it with me now; AWWW! :]

Anyways, I've got to get up kinda, sorta, early so I'd better get to bed now.

Loves loves.

You're not the only one with guns, bitch!

So we just got back from seeing Avatar. And I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed it. The title of this post is my favorite line in the whole movie. :]

Today was a pretty good day. Went to work. Went grocery shopping for the first time in a long long time with my Mom. And then when we got home I went with Lisa and a few of her friends to see Avatar. And it was a good night. Of course the car ride home couldn't be a real trip with Lisa without her bellyaching about my driving at a few points in time. Which really quite pisses me off. So I piss her off just because I can. It's great fun. :] Point is we all got home safely and no harm was done. Some days I wish she's just shut her trap and let me drive. I've been driving three years longer than she has. I do believe I know what I'm doing. I've never been in an accident, so just chill please.

At the beginning of the car ride we changed the radio station to one that was playing "All Around Me" by Flyleaf, haven't heard that song in ages. Anywho, there's a part of the song that says "You said you would never leave me. I believed you..." and it pissed me off. I have to point out that I hate being lied to.

When you told me we would never stop being friends, I can't believe I actually believed you. I'm so hurt by you I can't even stand it some days. Thanks a lot pal.

A reflection on 2009.

So I decided that I'm gonna go through 2009 and think about how good the year actually was...or what it might have been lacking.

January- I'd been working at JCPenney for about 2 and a half months. Was still dating Brandon. And taking a few classes at SLCC. I was happy with life then.

February- Still working. Still taking classes. Still dating Brandon. Had the most....interesting Valentine's day of my life. Life was still good. For the most part. Aside from Brandon moving to Cody, WY.

March- Relationship ends. Which honestly turned out to be a good thing. He's now engaged to a terrific girl, who understands him better than I think I ever could. I felt a bit heartbroken for a while. But as I said before it really turned out to be for the better. Got me braces off!! Still working at JCPenney Optical. Life is pretty good.

April- Still working. April didn't really have anything eventful happen. It was Moms birthday. Other then that. Nodda thing.

May- Same as April.

June- Same as April and May. BUT I did get my own cell phone. :] First time in my cell phone times I'd been able to text all I want and it's my phone. One that I pay for and not the parentals. :]] Love it!

July- Same as the past few months. BUT I turned 19...the last of my teenager years. Crazy.

August- Same with work. But classes ended...in May actually. Haha. This month I did get invited to a YSA activity and re-met Wesley. Who would turn out to be one of the greatest friends I've ever had.

September- Same with work. School started on August 26th-ish. September 2nd. Began actual relationship with Wesley. One of the happiest days in 2009. :] Life is amazing.

October- Same with work. Celebrated my one year anniversary with U.S. Vision on October 21st.
Sunday October 25th. Had the hardest phone conversation of my life. Relationship ends. It still hurts my heart. That boy was one of the best friends I'd ever had. He knows things about me that I haven't told one other soul. And won't. It kills me that we don't talk anymore. But I guess that's just how it goes sometimes. I hope to be able to reconcile my friendship with him someday. But that one is entirely up to him.

November- A hard month. Same with work. I took my first PTO days of my entire working time at U.S. Vision and went down to Ephraim to spend a few days with one of the most amazing ladies I know, Cherish Michael Wagner. That was some good fun! :] Thanksgiving this year was one that I will not forget, and not because of its kicking good times, but because it is the day my Granny went in to get what would essentially become a quadruple bypass and leaky valve repair. Thanksgiving dinner at Marie Calendars. What sticker shock that one was. Granny stays in the hospital for a few more weeks.

December- Still working at Penney's. This December was one filled with a great Christmas spirit. I found myself just giddy for Christmas and more excited and appreciative of my family then I have been in a few years. Christmas was great. I had a terrific morning with my Moms side of the family, minus the getting car sick on the ride to Alpine. Then we made our way down to St. George to spend the weekend with my Grandma and Grandpa Christensen. A great holiday. Followed by the next good last week of 2009. I started my 2010 after a four day weekend of playing Yahtzee with the family. :]

So I guess 2009 was overall a good year. It was hard and painful. Full of tears being shed. Depressed moments and great moments. I'm so so SO grateful for the wonderful friends in my life. And I'm grateful to the ones who aren't really present at all in my life anymore, well he is still very much real in my head...but not in my phone or on my Facebook...It sucks really bad. And part of it that makes it twenty times worse is that I have this feeling that he's doing just peachy. And couldn't give one damn that I'm gone. But I guess I'll never know. And I pray to the Lord every night for me to be okay with it.

Loves loves. :]

He's into me for everything I'm not...according to you.

So today's been a day. :] A lovely day off filled with El Habenero, going to the bank, and getting my oil changed and tires rotated at Jiffy Lube. Then tonight the Madrigals and Show Choir performed at the special needs mutual. And that my friends was awesome! :]


I must tell you that I heard this song on the radio. And these are the lyrics:

According to you
I’m stupid,
I’m useless,
I can’t do anything right.
According to you
I’m difficult,
hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I’m a mess in a dress,
can’t show up on time,
even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I’m beautiful,
incredible,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
according to you.

According to you
I’m boring,
I’m moody,
you can’t take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I’m the girl with the worst attention span;
you’re the boy who puts up with it.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I’m beautiful,
incredible,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
according to you.

I need to feel appreciated,
like I’m not hated. oh no
Why can’t you see me through his eyes?
It’s too bad you’re making me dizz-ay

According to me
you’re stupid,
you’re useless,
you can’t do anything right.
But according to him
I’m beautiful,
incredible,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
according to you. [you, you]
According to you. [you, you]

According to you
I’m stupid,
I’m useless,
I can’t do anything right

And I must say that I simply LOVE this song! :]]

Oh joy. Work tomorrow. :]]

Loves loves.

Well I must be crazy...

Well hello there. A lot of friends of mine have blogs. So I figured I need some place to place my long stories of my crazy days. So here I am. I also think that I need to get better at my witty writing skills and maybe this will help some. ;]

I officially love texting. End of June-ish of this year I got my own cell phone, with AT&T, and I have unlimited text and picture messaging. And I love it.

I think that sometime tomorrow morning I will finish posting the rest of my thoughts. But it's almost too late to complete my thoughts in my head. And there's nothing I hate more than posting typos that I can't take back. So hopefully when my brain is better rested I can spit my thoughts out. :]

Loves loves. :]